I do not have a full length mirror in my bathroom. This is a blessing and a curse. I’m grateful I do not have to see my ghostly jiggly body in all its glory every time I get out of the shower, however it also allows me to avoid everything happening below my neck. Unfortunately my mother-in-law has the worlds biggest mirror in her guest bathroom and this past weekend I was forced to face reality. Let’s just say: Yikes.
Now I know from getting dressed every day that my stomach isn’t, shall we say, “taught”, nor are my legs what they used to be. But what gave me a big surprise on this particular viewing was my boobs. Where did they go? Why are they halfway down my rib cage? How did they go from rounded globes to flappy pancakes without me even noticing? I’ve never cared much about these melons of mine before, probably because they were decent shape and size, but this is a whole new world. I’m incredibly proud of the fact that I breast fed my daughter for 16 months as Lord knows it is not easy so I guess these sandbags are my badges of courage? What a lame prize. There is a joke in there about a booby prize but I just can’t get there today.
What can you even do about your boobs? If I gain weight, I can (in theory) diet and exercise. Wrinkles? Slap on some retinol and research chemical peels. But boobs are a different story. To assist with these guys, I did go to Nordstrom for a bra fitting courtesy of my mom who was horrified that I had been wearing the same nude nursing bra daily for 16 months and continued to wear despite no longer nursing. #cheap #lazy This $70 bra has done wonders and I will probably wear it daily until the wire pops out or the straps sag and my mom takes me in again. But what I really want is something that can bring these gals back to their days of glory. When I could rock a white (!) triangle bikini from Target without fear or shame while wearing some early 2000’s sunglasses. Oh, the good old days. For all your sakes, after photos not included.
Now that I have Bone Thugs in your head…I want to actually write a post that is not Bachelor related.
The last few weeks have had me like this:
The company I work for is going through some major changes, which is always unsettling. It’s the nature of the industry to be in transition (I work in healthcare), and yet the unknown makes it hard to feel settled. Last week, after a staff training, the VP called me into her office and presented me with a new opportunity within my team that can totally change my career. It was pitched in a way that this position is the highest need for the team and I have the skills necessary to do the job well…but underlying was also the note that this would be an 8-5 office job within the operations team. My current job on the front lines requires the occasional evening and weekend, but with the transitions on our team, a hiring freeze and an exceedingly high financial goal for the year, the expectation moving forward would be having evening meetings 2-3 times (possible more) a week, plus travel across the state. Yikes.
I came home with my head spinning. This new job would be totally different than my current one and take me out of the work that I love most (and that I’m best at). It is a tack in a different direction careerwise. I struggled wondering if I would be making a terrible career mistake to take this new position–will it derail me from where I eventually want to be? Am I not living up to my full potential? Am I taking the easy way out? I was almost in tears when talking to my boss about the opportunity but I couldn’t understand why. When I sat back to think about it, I realized what was frustrating me the most was the fact that I had to choose between what was best for my career (staying in my current role) and what was best for my family (moving to the new job). This is the struggle for every working mom, right? I can kick ass at my job but my role as a mom and wife suffers, or I can be there for my husband and daughter, keep a clean home and have groceries in the fridge (sometimes), and under perform at work. There is no way to have it all.
After a few sleepless nights and long conversations with my husband and one of my best friends, I accepted the new position. I know that I will not be the mom to a young child forever and I will regret more the time spent away from her than the time not spent at work. Will I be frustrated that I’m not gunning at work? Yes. Will my long term career be impacted by this decision? Maybe. But this is the choice I have made because what is most important to me now is the daughter I prayed for, the husband I have been blessed with and the home we make together. Without knowing the crossroads I’ve been facing these past two weeks, a friend sent me this article, which had a line in it that I need to put somewhere I will see every day: “My career is just good enough right now, and I’m accepting the ribbon for participation with grace, instead of pining away for the gold.” To all you mamas out there participating with grace, my hat is off to you. Someday, when our kids are grown and would rather go out with their friends than snuggle in our laps, we’ll back at it and the gold will be ours.