Bachelorette Recap: Guest Blogger Edition

Hello dear friends. I am running ragged this week with family in town, work events every night and the continued illness. I hate to even admit this, but I have not yet watched Monday night’s episode. Clearly we are in drastic times. But, fear not, I have a recap post for you thanks to a trusty guest blogger!  All, meet Katie, a former co-worker, new mama and Wisconsin native. I like her even though she went to Notre Dame. And I kid you not when I tell you that she has the prettiest skin of anyone I’ve ever met. That sounds creepy. Maybe it is. But whatever, she’s a nice looking lady with a good sense of humor and I like to give compliments. I creeped her facebook feed so you could see her prettiness for yourself. 968933_10152907033955374_1194574817_n
Thank you, Jessica for letting me contribute to your great Bachelorette series. This is my first EVER blog post, so bear with me everyone. So, I missed the first 20 minutes-ish because I was putting my baby to bed #adultproblems. Apparently I missed something dramatic with Shawn. Clearly, Kaitlyn is being more and more of an idiot and Shawn is not playing by the rules. But welcome to season 11, I guess. [Editor’s Note: What is the point of these dates when you can just go to the Bachelorette’s room and hang out whenever you want? This never used to be allowed.]
The greatest thing about this Dublin/Killarney episode is that I watched it with a real life leprechaun! My mom, who is really, truly from Ireland. She had never seen the show before and her commentary was priceless.
When mama and I tune in to the two-on-one date, JJ is admitting to cheating on his wife. NO ONE is shocked. King of the D-bags. I hate JJ. I want to like Joe, but something is wrong with his face, right? That is mean. I take it back. I like him. [Editor’s Note: You are correct. He is like a big foreheaded, uglier Johnny Knoxville.]
Rose ceremony. “What is wrong with her lips?” -my mom. [Editor’s note: My husband also commented on the lips. K needs to kill it with the fillers.] Ben Z goes home, that big, dumb hunk of man meat. Tanner goes – that is a shame. I don’t think he ever got a chance. And Shawn is terrified in his blue suit, but survives.
ROAD TRIP! Kaitlyn invites Ratatouille (sorry, Jared) to drive with her. She sucks at driving on the other side of the road. They take a bunch of selfies. She even says “let’s take a selfie”. I liked you once, Kaitlyn.  They go to kiss the Blarney Stone. Jared says that is good luck. Wrong…its for the gift of the gab. 😉
Inline image 5At some commercial break,  my mom goes “What? they go meet up with some strippers?” LOL mom, that is a commercial for Magic Mike. I love you, Mom. And here is a pic of Channing just cause…ya know.

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There is a lot of crying (fake and otherwise. I will get to that in a minute) in this episode. I would tell you what she is crying about, but sometimes I tune out. If I were her, I would would be crying about “being intimate with Nick”. And not just cause I am scared of getting found out. Cause Nick is a non-cute, fluffy-headed weirdo. Here is Kaits ugly crying:

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 Ok, time to shake it up. Chris Harrison come up the stairs. My mom: “Who’s this? The boss?” Vey astute, mother. Chris tells Kaitlyn ‘they’ would like to go into overnight dates before hometown dates! None of you betches saw this coming, don’t even try to lie. K thinks about it and agrees it is a good idea. Of course you do, you slizzy, you love sleepovers. We’ve already seen that. [Editor currently open mouthed. Is she just going to sleep with the remaining six dudes? Who will marry her after that? I hope this results in more balcony talking to imaginary people.]
Shawn takes a break from his mental breakdown to nap on the Paddy Wagon bus. Killarney is adorable! I heart Ireland. Cupcake gets the one-on-one date. “Oh, he is neat as pin!” my mom comments as he gets dressed. Yes, mom, I am 90% sure he is gay #lovewins. The cliffs of Moher are amazing. Too bad she has to see them with Cupcake who is breathing and close talking and saying weird things all over her. Sick. And here is a good idea. Let’s bring someone to the edge of a 100 ft. cliff to break up with them. Kaitlyn real cries and tells Cupcake she shouldn’t put him through another rose ceremony. Cupcake fake cries into his plaid scarf. LMAO that is the worst fake cry I have ever seen. Annndddd Scene. Bravo, Bachlorette producers, bravo.
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Thank you Katie! I appreciate your willingness to pinch hit and pull some fabulous images to accompany the recap, specifically Ratatouille. I now feel like I don’t even have to waste two hours of my life getting the nitty gritty. But ladies, when is she going to tell the dudes she slept with Nick?!! I’m assuming the vein in Shawn’s neck will just explode. Can’t wait.