Bachelorette Recap: Fantasy Suites Edition

Last we saw Luke told JoJo he loved her on an airplane runway and she collapsed on the ground Jordan’s hair is at an all-time high. He gets the first rose. Robby gets the second. And Chase gets the third. Luke and his tiny forehead look shocked. JoJo cries when she tells him that she always felt so connected to him but never knew where he stood.  “We never know what we could have had. I wanted to fall in love with you, but I never got to see it through.” He has dead eyes.  Name that movie.
I am actually pretty shocked she let him go. I would have thought Luke would be in the top two. Chase is so boring and Robby is ridiculous. Luke wins for best family. And most bow legged.

FANTASY SUITES!

Chase, Robby, Jordan and JoJo head to Thailand. Get me there. I can’t wait to see how sweaty the dudes get on this trip. Robby shows up on a tuk tuk (I think that’s what they are called?) and he is the tannest person of all time. They’re at a market during a monsoon and then got a thai foot massage, which I would pay one million dollars for right now, even though it probably costs like $10. Robby shows up to dinner in like white jodhpurs? No socks, obviously. JoJo still doesn’t really trust Robby could fall in love so quickly and asked what his family thought. They all agreed it was quick but think it is real. Robby then shares a note his Dad left him in his pocket to eschew any doubts about his feelings for her. Then she gives him the Fantasy Suite which he willingly accepts, with a slight layer of sweat all over his face. And then he starts calling her Joelle. “I want to be that guy that is late to work because I don’t want to get out of bed next to her and the guy that leaves work early to get home to her.” Robby, I hope none of your future employers are watching! JoJo says (not to him) that she knows she loves Robby and she’s looking forward to having intimate time with him, and almost starts tearing up about being loved and wanted. I think, despite girlfriends great looks, she maybe doesn’t have the best self-esteem. She says she wanted to tell him that she loves him, but she doesn’t want to do that to anyone unless she knows it will be the person she will end up with. Either way, they spent the night together and had breakfast just on some random plates at the foot of their bed. jojo and robby fantasy suite
Jordan leaps off a boat to meet JoJo for a hike. Jordan’s walk is so feminine. He’s got a lot of bounce in that step. Oh my god you guys, he has NO hair on his arms. None. Like, he must wax them or something? I wish I could get a photo that would show you this. Just trust me. They hike down to a temple in a cave, which is pretty darn cool. They are not allowed to kiss in the cave, which is hard for them because really all they have is chemistry. She asks, “Is this guy too good to be true?” Answer: Yes. Jordan seems nervous about talking to JoJo’s dad. He wants her family to like him, which, I’m guessing the brothers will not. She asks him what the next year looks like and he says, “I don’t know. That’s a hard question.” He responds that he doesn’t have or ‘need’ a home base right now. What does this guy do for work? He appeases her with some line about how he’s never felt that way before and he thinks of her when he thinks of getting down on one knee, blah blah blah. She gives him the fantasy suite card. The next morning Jordan says “We took a big step last night in a really exciting direction” with a really creepster goofy smile on this face. JoJo is confused because she’s in love with two men. Now you know how Ben felt girlfriend?
I like Chase today. He seems like the most fun of the boys and they have a nice sweaty date on some secluded island with passionate kissing.chase kissing fish on bachelorette

Robby comes and visit JoJo smack dab while she is in between the day and night part of her date. He keeps telling her how much he misses her and tells her he’s ready to get down on one knee and be her husband.

Chase finally gets time JoJo again. I feel bad for the dude–he is sweating so much. Chase feels like he’s battled through this more than the others, which I agree, and he doesn’t want to be scared anymore. He tells her confidently that he wants a future with her/us. She gives him the fantasy suite key while their steaks go untouched in front of them. That’s how these guys stay so fit–they never eat!

At the suite, he tells her that he’s 100% in love with her and he has never said that first. And then she says to us “I didn’t feel the way I thought I would feel” and then my DVR stops recording because it’s been two hours even though the first 40 minutes was election stuff. I cannot type what I said aloud, but I imagine it to be something like what Chase said when she dumped him AFTER she gave him the key? That’s a dick move JoJo. A dick move.

I have no idea what else happened, so someone fill me in. Also, I haven’t even watched Men Tell All yet. I’m the worst.

 

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