Bachelorette Recap: I Gaucho Get JoJo’s Bod

This is the last round before hometowns. Six guys left. Three one-on-one dates and a group date. All of the guys have had a one-on-one with JoJo except for Alex, who, obviously gets the first date card.
One-on-One Date: Alex, I Gaucho On My Mind
Why does Alex wear army boots on every date?! We get it, you’re a marine. Also, stop tucking your pants into them. That DOES NOT elongate your mini-legs. BootsJoJo says she’s really comfortable with him, but she’s not feeling it romantically. They make Pringles duck faces which is always a good time to me, but there seems to be a lot of silence between the two of them.jojo and alex road trip
The rest of the boys ride to countryside in a ridiculous bus. James is wearing a dumb tank top and Robby is legit wearing the slippers from the hotel. This must be a long ass bus ride because they have time to make up a rap about how tiny Alex is.img_1205
Alex and JoJo finally arrive at their destination where they will be gauchos for the day. Alex comes out in a “gaucho costume” and looks ridiculous. JoJo is pretty much wearing suede bell bottoms. alex as gaucho on bacheloretteThey ride through the countryside and witness some horse yoga/massage. And now I want an Argentinian horse. This horse is like, “Stop making out on my head you little effers.”jo jo and alex snuggling horse
The boys arrive at a sweet polo club where they will stay for a week and I’m wondering again about what those poor girls on Chris Soules season did to deserve their terrible locales. You guys, James Taylor’s arm tattoo is an enormous eagle head over an even more ginormous American flag. Yikes.james taylor tattoo bachelorette
Alex and JoJo chat it up over some delicious Argentinian wine and he tells her that he’s falling in love with her and she has no response. Literally, nothing. Not a “thank you”, not an “I appreciate that”. Stunned silence and then she says, “When you tell me you’re falling in love with me, I don’t feel as excited as I should feel. In my heart, I don’t think I would get to that point.”  Ooof. JoJo, you obviously felt like this going into today, so why did you spend hours making out with him? She could have at least been more aloof so he wasn’t so blindsided. I don’t like the guy, but I actually feel bad for him. Bye Alex!
One-on-One Date: Jordan, Let’s Toast to Love!
Jordan and JoJo take a private jet to Mendoza to go wine tasting. They start by crushing grapes I Love Lucy style and then drinking the juice, which is nasty. Jordan is wearing swim trunks maybe? jojo and jordan stomping grapes on bacheloretteOh, ok. They hit up a hot tub next so that makes sense. Is it weird/creepy that I spend my time looking at JoJo in a bikini as opposed to any of the guys when they are shirtless? She’s just so dang attractive! At dinner, they got into it. If she goes home she’ll meet mom, dad, and older brother Luke, and the bulldog, Carl Weathers. Jordan shares that he doesn’t have a close relationship with Aaron. Jordan chose to stay close with his family and Aaron did not. Doesn’t have hard feelings against him and he loves him, but they don’t talk. Jordan really opened up about being disappointed in everything he did because he couldn’t live up to coach’s expectations, as he followed in the footsteps of someone who did it the best. And now I like Jordan more than I have the entire season even though he is probably still a douche. Jordan tells her he’s so in love with her as their food goes cold in front of them. They must spend thousands of dollars on wasted food. JoJo’s response was much warmer than the other reaction to the other two, with a “That makes me so happy” and a major make-out sesh against a wall in a back alley. Pure romance.
Date card! Chase, James and Robby: Let Our Love Soar
It’s pouring down rain. They were supposed to do a fun adventure outdoors, but instead are “gonna kick it”. James starts it off by shoving a million fries in his mouth, then they do a massage train, which I want to do, followed by Bachelor Heads Up which I would be fab at. JoJo dares Robby to strip to his undies and run through the halls. He knocks on all the doors and shows his butt and apologizes to his MeeMaw and now Robby is my fave. He tells her in their one/on/one time together that he dated someone for three years and they just broke up about 4 months ago. That makes her a little nervous, but let’s all recall she was ready to engaged to Ben a few short months ago.
JoJo and Chase had a long talk, but I was too busy reading an article in Us Weekly titled, “Woman Slut Shames Taylor Swift, Compares her Vagina to Ham Sandwich”.
James T addresses the elephant in the room with JoJo and acknowledges that fact that she has more of a physical attraction with other guys, and she responds very nicely with a “You have the qualities I would want in a husband and father”. Basically, she knows she should marry someone like JT, but the passion just isn’t there. Sorry James Taylor, you’re just too nice. Also: james taylot eating french fries on bachelorette
JoJo gives the rose to Robby, and prefaces it by saying she feels really confident in her choice and is excited to meet that person’s family. Because Robby gets the rose, he gets to spend more time with JoJOa nd peaces out the other two fellas.
One-on-One: Luke
Luke makes a much better cowboy than Alex and really looks the part. Snowflake the pony is my favorite part. FYI, JoJo’s riding boots are from Old Navy. OLD NAVY. I somehow discovered her Bachelorette stylists’ instagram and he tells you where every outfit is from, which is pretty sweet.jojo and luke with horse JoJo really tailor made this date for Luke–horse back riding and clay pigeon shooting. He’s real manly. Also, did anyone notice he said “my family’s ranch”? Are all these folks just super rich? Either way, girlfriend is all about him and says “I can see a life with Luke.” I’m still not seeing it girl.
Rose Ceremony
Luke’s date is cut short and they go straight into the rose ceremony, but not before going for a leisurely ride in a horse drawn carriage. Robby is safe. Luke gets the first rose, Jordan gets the second and Chase gets the third. Sorry James Taylor. Maybe you shouldn’t have worn an electric blue button down to the rose ceremony. JoJo feels really bad about this one. She starts crying, tells him that he has made her a better person and hopes he finds someone that loves him the way he loves.bachelorette jojo crying He handles this quite nicely! No anger or frustration, just wishes her the best. And, in the classiest move, says nothing while in the van riding off into the sunset.I’m sure this heartbreak will give him some great songwriting material.
Next week: Hometown Dates!

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