I’m the Worst (and a little Hometown Recap)

You guys, The Bachelor is on tonight and I haven’t done last week’s recap. I have a lot of excuses which include flying solo across the country with a 17 month old on my lap twice in less than a week, being on vacation, my flight getting cancelled,  forgetting my laptop in the office on Friday, hosting my in-laws for the weekend, and watching The Oscars last night.
Obviously I saw The Bachelor last week. I was even able to watch it with one of my best friends in the world who is a fellow Bachelor lover while drinking champagne and eating pizza and housing three different types of cake straight out of the bakery container while her dog snuggled my feet so obviously it was the best viewing of the year. I’m so committed to all of you that I even took notes on lined paper…otherwise known as “The Bachelor Pad”. Those notes are sadly still in my unpacked suitcase but there are a few things that I MUST mention before tonight.
  1. Ben showed up to the hometown with Amanda wearing the most inappropriately short shorts of all time. My love for Ben is 100% documented and even I don’t want to see that much upper thigh. Amanda’s shirt was totally inapprops too and she kept having to yank it up. The sleeves were like leg warmers for her arms. Arm warmers. 
  2. Why were Amanda’s daughters wearing to the knee gladiator sandals? They are toddlers. I felt really bad that they were dragged around all day long with a camera crew in their face. I’d be sobbing in my car seat too. Let’s be serious, there is no way Ben is going to pick the mom with two little kids no matter how pretty she is and cute those kids are. He is 25, charming and smoking hot. 
  3. Lauren and Ben are so obviously in love with each other I kind of just want to end the show now. Also, food trucks and most charming whiskey bar in the world? She wins hometown dates.All of her family members were attractive and vanilla. This was an easy win. 
  4. I hate Caila with the heat of a thousand burning suns. She is fake and giggly and juvenile. She called her parents “Mommy” and “Daddy” the whole time. My friend Claire who I watched this with said she sounds like a pageant contestant (and she should know). Everything is bubbly and scripted. Anyway, her dad was creepy in his orange pants and her mom wore braces. Also, how has Ben never met a Filipino person before? I’d like to point out that Caila was wearing a turtleneck crop top which is really an interesting concept. 
  5. Oh JoJo. Wouldn’t you recognize the handwriting of your ex-boyfriend immediately upon opening this letter? This was so scripted. I’m sure Chad would just happen to know the few days she’ll be in town. Whatever. I did a google search and Ben is way cuter than Chad so I’m happy she ended that fully. They promoted JoJo’s brothers as total nightmares, but honestly the tense scene wasn’t half has bad as I thought and they really did have a point. Clearly JoJo’s mom didn’t feel the same way. #momgoals
This week is insane as Saturday is our annual gala for work.  I’m gonna try my darndest to watch tonight and pull together a recap, but I ask for your forgiveness in advance. Happy Bachelor watching my friends.
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4 thoughts on “I’m the Worst (and a little Hometown Recap)

  1. I totally noticed and was horrified by the toddler knee high sandals! Also the awkward “Mommy” and “Daddy” … So weird. Not a fan! Love the recaps! xo

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  2. this was my favorite thing you have ever written mostly because of this line, “I hate Caila with the heat of a thousand burning suns”. It really just made my day.

    Like

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