The episode kicks off with the girls are already talking shit about Olivia…who REALLY does not look good without make-up. Rumor has it she spent $40,000 on clothes. Um, you’re 23 and currently unemployed so maybe that wasn’t your best move O.
Chris Harrison drops off the first date card. That guy has the easiest job ever. Lauren B gets the first date card. I think this gal is front runner. Also, can I have the number of her facialist? She has gorgeous skin. Ben takes her on a bi-pane. She said she is terrified. Girl, you’re a flight attendant. They do get to wear sweet WWII leather helmets and goggles. They are chatting in the plane and then shared maybe one of the most awkward first little kisses I’ve ever seen. Tim & I both cringed and said “Oh god”. Maybe it was because they had microphones? No matter what, it was tough to watch.
I cannot figure out the temperatures on this show. Ben is always in jeans and long sleeve tops and the girls are in short shorts. The plane lands in a remote location where there is a hot tub. Weird. Clearly this show is sponsored by Jacuzzi. Lauren B changes behind a tree? Also, Ben has like a novel tattooed on his side. Ben…please. They don’t really talk and pretty much just sit anmake-out in the middle of nowhere.
Meanwhile, back at the mansion…Caila tells JoJo that it is just hitting her that there are other girls here and starts hysterically crying. I told you guys that bitch was crazy. Her voice gets ridic while talking about this. If I knew how to embed video, I would do it. Oh, she cries in the confessional too. The chick she is talking to is like “Get me out of here”. Caila, you’ve obviously watched the Bachelor before…you KNOW there are other girls here and that is how this works you maniac.
Back to the date: Lauren B says “like” every other word. I blame the Cali living. Ben says “how has a dude not get grabbed you up already?” Um… because she is 25? Also Ben, how has no one grabbed you up already? He wants to open himself up to her and talks about how his dad had heart problems and had emergency triple bypass surgery. All I can think about while he’s talking is that Ben is kind of sweaty? Or needs some oil sheets or something? Lauren B. seems like a nice and normal girl, and Ben obvi gives her the rose. I see this going far my friends. I see this going far. But they REALLY need to work on their kissing. Oh God, another random concert for two. Back to back awkward concerts.
Date card arrives—group date! Love is the goal. Jubilee is not on the date card, but is excited that means she can go on a one-on-one date this week. The date is at the LA Coliseum which means lots of spandex on these gals. Two women from the US World Cup soccer team are there to help them out, because not ONE of the girls has played soccer? As a side note, I feel like soccer players have the best bods. Olivia notes that Ben is looking really good in with his blue shirt, and his eyes, and pants. A) Ben has brown eyes. B) They are generic black pants.
Back at the mansion…Jubilee is melting down saying she is too “complicated” for Ben and that he likes the sweet and nice girls. Poor JoJo is on the receiving end of the tears again. She’s going to try to scale the walls to get out of this situation.
Back to this Soccter Date: The teams play one another. Team Stars & Team Stripes. How patriotic. Chris Harrison, looking mighty sporty, shares that the winning team is the only one that gets to continue the date at the “after-party” while the losing team is forced to head back to the mansion. They also make the girls wear buns with their jerseys. Just put them in real soccer shorts producers, please. As it turns out Twin Emily is a pretty amazing goalie. Girl has no problem sacrificing her bod for Ben. It is quite unexpected. Game goes into sudden death, of course. Stripes win thanks to Amber’s goal.
Rachel hurts her knee at some point and the girls carry Rachel back the mansion Keri Strugg/Bela Karolyi style. It is ridiculous.
The After Party. Ben is welcoming all the girls and Olivia interrupts him while he’s talking to pull him away. Again, the girls are all in tiny cocktail dresses and Ben is wearing a leather jacket. Olivia tells Ben the girls find her intimidating. All the girls are talking shit about her—that her toes are gross, her boobs are fake and that she had bad breath. One of the girls pulls Olivia aside and tells her this? I’m not sure why she wants Olivia as an ally but whatever. Olivia was like, “What were they saying? Was it about my calves? My cankles?” and then admits she does have terrible toes.
Date card for the next one-on-one goes to Jubliee. She jumps up like she has won the lottery, which is a little much. Poor JoJo is just there again.
Group Date After-Party. Amber talks to him for like three minutes and then they kiss. I’m not seeing the chemistry there, but whatever. Apparently Ben does because he gives her the date rose. Olivia is sad she didn’t get a rose but said, “I know his heart”. Girlfriend, it’s been two weeks.
Jubliee’s Date. You guys, the Russian girl spoke! In English! Jubilee gets picked up in a helicopter. She jokingly asked if anyone else wanted to go on her date (because she was scared) and all of the girls acted horribly offended. Get over it ladies. They arrive at a health spa, which is like my dream date. Champagne, delicious snacks (first time I’ve ever seen anyone eat on this show) except Jubilee does not like the caviar and says her go to food is hot dogs. Claire, you got a friend in Jubilee. They played a little shuffleboard and then, surprise, surprise, another hot tub! Ben is either super hot or super embarrassed because he is BRIGHT red this entire experience. I spent this whole segment trying to read Jubilee’s chest tattoo. So far I have “The pastry princess”? Any other guesses? These two are really going deep as Ben probes into Jubilee’s past and we learn that her entire family died except for her. Jesus. Ben kind of has to give her a rose after this conversation. I mean could you imagine if she was like “My whole family died, and I lived in an orphanage in Haiti” and then he was like “Sorry. Pack your bags sister”.
Back at the house the girls are already talking shit about Jubilee. They’re a catty group and Cailia seems to be at the center of a lot of it. Ben walks into the cocktail party and Olivia’s HUGE mouth welcomes him. Ben then shares that two close family friends died in an airplane crash the night prior. Google research shows that it was his former football coach. This is a rough episode you guys! Ben then says that moments like this make him realize he wants someone in his life that he can sit with during the sad moments. Cue Olivia stealing him, sitting him down and immediately jumps in to how she hates her legs. And her cankles. And then almost starts crying about how this is hard to talk about. Ben’s face says it all. Then in comes the esthetician who offers him a warm hug and a shoulder to lean on.