#WorkingMomProblems

I realize that I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. I’d like to say it is because my social calendar has been full, but honestly I have been in over my head. I recently received a promotion at work and it has been go, go, go, with a fair amount of evening and weekend work.
Last week I could just NOT get it together. I missed bedtime twice because I was working late. Emma was the last baby to be picked up from daycare three times. We had ZERO food in the house. Tim and I survived on PB&J and Emma alternated between scrambled eggs and and pasta. The house was filthy, there was a thick layer of dog hair on every single surface and the laundry was in piles. I did get E to daycare in a Halloween costume on Friday, but it was left locked in her daycare room for the weekend. And then, at her first music class on Saturday, she was the ONLY kid not dressed for Halloween. Apparently this mama didn’t get the memo. All week I felt exhausted, sad and guilty. There may have even been some spontaneous tears.
I’ve been back at work for nearly a year now and I still haven’t figured out the right balance. I like my job, love my co-workers and enjoy the feeling of accomplishment I get when I’m at the office, but I miss my baby constantly. I know the window of her youth is small and she’ll be off to school and spending time with friends in no time, with much less interest in hanging with her mama. So should I really be spending these special days at work instead of with her? Last Sunday I took her to the library for the first time and the librarian said we should join for storytime. Well, sure! I’d love to! Unfortunately, storytime is on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 9:30am. No weekend sessions for us working moms.This seems to be the norm across the city, from Mommy & Me yoga at our local studio to art classes and I feel like I am MISSING OUT.
I know she loves her daycare, but I can’t put these feelings of sadness and guilt to rest. Other working mamas, I know you feel the same way at times. And stay at home moms, while I am sick to my stomach with jealousy, I know that lifestyle as it’s own struggles. I’m trying to find balance (this week is slow at work so I’m getting in more hang time with my sweet babe), but still doubt that I’m doing the right thing every day.
Moms, any thoughts, suggestions or guidance to help me through this? In the meantime, I’m going to go snuggle in this sweet face and soak up every second we have together.

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5 thoughts on “#WorkingMomProblems

  1. Girlfriend, reading this took me right back and almost made me start crying again. I know people disagree but I always felt there was no way to have it all. I hated feeling like I wasn’t doing anything (working or being a mom) the best I could. I can tell you though that I wasn’t able to stay home with my first until he was 5 and he is happy well-adjusted and still loves his Mama. Hang in there – and call anytime. Also remember there is plenty to feel guilty about if you stay at home too. Damn Mom-guilt!!!

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    1. Thanks mama. I know that there is mom guilt no matter WHERE I spend my days, and I know that Emma will be smart and well adjusted no matter where she spends her days–its more of how I feel about my decision and I hate the fact that I can’t be 100% confident in it. I’ll get there. Or I won’t!

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  2. Mama I know the struggle. It’s hard and even once you think you have the hang of it – well shoot – it’s still really hard. I try so very hard to let the resentment go and know that I am working to provide a better life for her, for me, for our family. Once a month I take a mama day off. I use paid time off to have a mommy & me day. We go to the park, we snuggle and we do the unfun stuff like dishes and laundry too. However it is seriously like a reset button. I need it – I feel like she needs it and when I go back to work I don’t have to be all consumed with the mom guilt. At the end of the day your baby knows you love her more than anything, try not to let it get you down too much! xo

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    1. Laura, we are on the same page! I actually took a SAHM day yesterday and it healed my heart. We went to storytime at the library, took a trip to the park in the afternoon for over an hour, and had a mid-day visit to the grocery store. It was just what we both needed. I will definitely be scheduling these on a regular basis in the future. Great idea!

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  3. All the comments on this and your Instagram are pretty spot on and make it 100% clear that it is basically a no win situation. However, there are a few key things if you decide you do want to keep working (the one person who posted on your insta gram about different personalities for working vs stay at home I agree with, I just don’t have the personality or patience level to stay home even if I could or thought it was best for our family. That each person/couple has to decide). But if you do work here are things that I’ve found help 1) get a cleaning lady. We can only budget room for ours once a month but that one day where my house looks clean (And the 1-3 wks I say it’s still clean and don’t touch anything) makes me very happy and eases stress 2) see if you can explore a condensed schedule or part time. I went 4 days after Sam and let me tell you it might be the true best of both worlds (minus the fun 20% pay cut). I get 3 wonderful days w my kids and 4 days of work and I feel I make the best of both and really eased my guilt 3) try to still have a teeny bit of time for yourself each week or every other week where you don’t pick up from daycare and can run some errands or even just go to a store and stare at racks and let your mind settle. Shut the guilt Demons down by telling them Tim and em are getting much needed daddy daughter time 🙂 get take out on the way home and know that your mind and soul needed the quiet time.
    It’s so hard as everyone has said but I just don’t think I’m cut out for sahm and I feel like I’m really helping us set up for a bright future with retirement savings and such and setting a good example. But if those things aren’t easing your mind then maybe it’s not the right thing for you. Godspeed dear cousin!

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