Bachelorette Recap: After the Final Rose

We meet the lovebirds. And see the rock. Gorgeous and very sparkly! 

 K looks mighty tan and very pretty. She says today feels like Christmas morning and is doing a lot of gazing. 

Shawn shares a photo he sent to his friends when she got sent home from last season. Hilarious.  

 Shawn is doing a lot of aggressive arm rubbing. That would annoy the bejesus out of me.  

 Here comes good ol’ Nick. Set to some very dramatic and sad music. Chris says, “Welp, you and I are here again”. Way to rub it in CH. Nick’s beard looks like pubic hair. Chris delves into the “pre-existing relationship” between Nick & Kaitlyn. Apparently they moved from text messaging to talking on the phone and video chats. And then she found out she was going to be The Bachelorette. Weird. But it does explain the sexy time.   

In response to being asked about Shawn, Nick says “We weren’t our best selves”. And he handled it quite nicely and even gave Shawn and Kaitlyn credit. Chris keeps interrupting him and is really pushing the Shawn vs. Nick agenda. I mean, isn’t it over? Shawn won. 

Oh my god you guys, his stupid sister is crying again. Pull it together Bella! 

Shawn comes out to “confront” Nick and says, “You guys couldn’t find a bigger couch than this?” They are basically sitting on one another’s laps. Their feet are legit touching. Shawn still really doesn’t explain why he doesn’t like Nick and goes to his default of having a “bad feeling”. What he should say is that he realizes that Nick was his biggest competetion and leave it at that. Shawn seems a little defensive about his jealousy but then says that he’s made great friend out of the show including Ben H (!) “who also had a great connection with Kaitlyn”. Basically he said it was the producers. Chris keeps asking them to hug it out. Dude, they don’t want to hug. Just touch their feets.   

Now comes the Kaitlyn & Nick portion of the evening. He basically asks why she said I love you. And she answers by saying that she also loved Ben? Ultimately “no love was as strong as the love [I] had for Shawn”. Her eyebrows are real aggressive tonight. She’s making a lot of duck lips at Nick. I’m bored. 

They just replayed the breakup scene. The only thing worse than dumping someone on TV would maybe be watching it back when you’re sitting 10 inches away from them also on TV. Chris asks the question we’ve all been asking ourselves: “You say she took things from you. Like what?” (Clearly not his virginity). Basically he is pissed that she didn’t stop him before. Either earlier in the day or when he got out of the limo. Instead she let him talk until he reached into his pocket for the ring. Fair point Nick. Fair point. Although if you had looked at her face you would have known she was going to dump you.  

Dear Nick, I’m pretty sure the producers made her do this. Chris cuts it off real quick because he knows this and feels bad K is taking the heat. Back to the lovebirds. Shawn is most excited about being able to “stand up and defend his girl”. Chris does not push wedding plans like he usually does and then plugs Bachelor in Paradise. Worst After the Final Rose ever.Most importantly, why is there no Bachelor announcement? 

Bachelor in Paradise looks insane. I just do not think I can watch it. Too much drama for this mama. But I might do it for your Kristen Chipman! 


Bachelorette Recap: The Finale 

Last night I put the babe to bed, poured myself a big old glass of rosé, cued up the DVR…and then realized I left my laptop at the office. This post is brought to you by awkward iPad typing and incredible commitment to The Bachelorette. 

CH welcomes us per usual by informing us that this final is “dare [I] say shocking.” Always so shocking Chris Harrison. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it won’t be shocking at all.

As this season has thrown all rules out the window, everyone is in Malibu to meet Kaitlyn’s FAAHmily!!! There are five people there. I’m so confused. Is that her sister? Why are there 2 dads and 2 moms? Give me some backstory here. Her mom #1 (?) has INSANE lashes. She is very gussied up for this episode.   

You guys, she told her mom about sleeping with Nick like 45 seconds into the visit. WTF? Talking about an “intimate” relationship with my parents is the last thing I’d want to do. Nick is the first to meet the FAAHmily. Dear Nick, here’s a tip. When you are meeting the girl you want to marry’s FAAHmily, do not wear a deep v shirt and converse high tops with the tongues sticking out. Especially since you two did it on national television and they know about it.   

Finally we get an intro to the FAAHmily. Mom, dad, stepdad, stepmom and sister. Oh Nick is rocking the arm party again. Sis is easily won over and very squealy. Mom is not so sure based on Nick’s season with Andi and calls him possessive, jealous and arrogant. He responds by saying he is not surprised he’s here. That is probably not going to help with her perception of you being arrogant. He then says he wants to ask Kaitlyn to marry him and then he starts sobbing. Ugh. Grow a pair Nick. Mom ate it up. Maybe had something to do with the glass of chard. #runsinthefamily Dad is rocking that ‘stache and lavender button down. In one minute Dad gives the blessing. He’s an easy one. #runsinthefamily ZING!! 

Flash to the audience. Nick’s family is there including his lookalike serial killer younger sister. Super appropriate that she’s listening to how her brother boned Kaitlyn after two dates.   

Back to the FAAHmily. They’re excited to meet Shawn. Oh Haley. She needs a new colorist. 

 Stepdad is now rocking the bright colored shirt. Very Cam from Modern Family. Shawn arrives wearying a nice button down, which is definitely appropriate for meeting the parents. He’s carrying flowers and a jar of spaghetti sauce? But he also brings gifts to Haley’s kids. Charming. She says “you’re in!” Dad Mike seems like a nice guy. Shawn gives a lovely toast. He is a winner in my book. 

Omg you guys, Mom wants to talk to Shawn about K sleeping with Nick?! This family needs some boundaries. Shawn manages that incredibly awkward conversation with grace and aplomb. Haley says she is Team Shawn. Shawn pulls mom and dad together to ask for their blessing to propose. They both agree. I always think that is so weird. Like wouldn’t you have a preference? You’re totally okay  with EITHER guy marrying your daughter?

K and Nick have a nice date sailing. Nick’s hair is hideous. But, I must admit, these two actually seem to have a good connection and a normal relationship. Ugh. He got her a gift. It’s a photo of them from their first one on one date and then this stupid “poem” on the other side: 

There is magic in your eyes and when I look at you I see my future

There is electricity in your lips and when I kiss you I feel your energy

There is love in your heart and when I touch you I feel a love worth never letting go. 

I had to pause like 15 times to get that drivel. You’re welcome We all know I hate this stuff. K seems to like it based on the excessive loud kissing. Of note: K’s ring game has been strong this season.

Final date with Shawn at a winery. Chard for everyone!! I think he might be wearing boots with his shorts. Oh God, Shawn just said EXspecially. That’s a deal breaker ladies! 


He makes a toast and she responds by asking if he’s wearing sunscreen. She’s being weird. These two are not connecting. I think it’s a set up by producers. You guys, wouldn’t it be weird if you knew you were going to get engaged tomorrow but you didn’t know to who? That’s not how it works. I totally tuned out for this date to scroll through instagram and check my emails. Boring. But I do like Shawn, especially when he calls her out for making out with Joe. Shawn also has a gift for her. Wouldn’t it be awesome if it was the same poem?! Instead it is a memory jar of all the dates they have had the past two months.  That is a gift I can get behind. #TeamShawn

Engagement Day! K gets out of bed with perfect hair and make-up. So does Shawn. Neil Lane arrives with rings. That dude has had a lot of work done. His rings are so flashy and complicated. Not my style. Do you think each guy gets the same rings to choose from? K in the limo. She got fake tips for the occasion. Surprise, surprise, she is wearing sparkles and mesh.   

Nick arrives first. They talk in whispers. He seems really nervous and she looks like she is going to puke/cry. He says “I’m in love with you. I’m yours forever if you’ll have me” and goes to pull the ring out of his pocket and she stops him. I actually feel kinda sick watching this. Her whole body is shaking.

 I actually feel bad for Nick. She brings up being “intimate” again. Geesh! Give it up lady. Oh guys, I get so awkward watching this stuff. Nick doesn’t want to hear what she has to say. And honestly, he has a point. If she did feel the same way he did, they’d be engaged. It would be the pits to dump someone like 20 minutes before you got engaged to someone else.

 I hate how there is complete “stunned” silence in the studio. It’s not that dramatic guys, we knew one of the two was getting dumped. Nick’s mom looks pissed.

Here comes Shawn. Obvi the driveway is soaking wet. The Bachelorette is weird because the guy still has to do the talking and proposing, even though she is the main person. Does this translate? Did Shawn memorize this speech? Does he have J Lo in his ear? (If you did not catch The Wedding Planner reference we are no longer friends). No way he came up with that off the cuff. K keeps him in suspense for a bit but then tells him she loves him. HOORAY!! He proposes.

 The ring is HUGE!!! They are slightly awkward but seem very happy. I give it six months.  

2015 Resolutions Check-In

It is so hard to believe that we are halfway through the year. Yesterday I heard a Back to School commercial on the radio. Thanks a lot JCPenny’s. I’d like to remind you that summer JUST arrived in Chicago so let me enjoy it for a bit. Anyway, I did figure six months into the year would be a good time for a self-evaluation on my 2015 resolutions.
1. Lose the baby weight and be more active
So…I am bouncing around my pre-baby weight by about two pounds but my body definitely does not look anything like it did pre-pregs. I am fitting into most of my old clothes, with the exception of my skinniest jeans and a few shorts and dresses bought for my honeymoon and our Greece trip in 2013 when I was pretty thin, but they just don’t look the same. Maybe because I have run once in the last few months (and I’m pretty sure I peed my shorts while doing so), played tennis once (no pee) and have not signed up for one race or exercise class. I definitely need to get my ass in gear but am having a hard time balancing work, errands, housework, quality time spent with baby and husband and working out. Any suggestions?
*addendum. I went for a run tonight with Tim, E and the dog. Running with a stroller is no joke. I feel like I should now be fit and thin despite the the fact that I capped said run with a 21st Amendment Hell or High Watermelon. 
2. Be more present, ie. get off my dang phone. 
I have been better at this but still not as good as I want to be. I hate that my default in the morning is checking my e-mail, news apps, facebook and instagram feed instead of quality play time with the babe. However, we both have shut down our phones during dinner (for the most part) which I’m considering a win.
3. Eat dinner at the dining room table at least one time per week.
YES! We have been doing this numerous nights a week. Having Em in the high chair has really made a difference as we try to all eat dinner together. It’s so nice for all three of us to be around the table, off our phones, and really connecting. (Some of us prefer to eat green onions off the floor while digging through the fridge).   
4. Call my friends. 
I still need to work on this. I’ve connected with a few of my girls but I feel like we have to schedule our calls due to our busy schedules and even then it still doesn’t work out. I’ll try to be better at this the latter half of the year. And yes Katie Connors, I owe you a call!
5. Get a babysitter. 
We have had three babysitters these past few months! I used DateNight by SitterCity the first time and of course it was a day that Emma had refused her second nap. Tim & I went out to dinner and a show to celebrate his birthday and we had plenty of drinks so I wasn’t too twitchy, although I did text her a few times. The second time we used DateNight was a complete disaster. The babysitter didn’t show due to car trouble and when I finally got a hold of her (20 minutes after she was supposed to be here) she couldn’t find a substitute. It got all worked out but it was incredibly stressful. They did, however, refund me for the sitter. The third time we used our friend’s nanny, who I had met before, so I was stress free! I’m still looking for a regular gal that I’ll feel comfortable with and I’m sure the more nights we spend out the better I will feel.
6. Spend more time with Addie. 
We’ve been trying to get to the beach once a weekend to let our little maniac run around. My husband also started a running routine so she has been joining him on his morning runs, and I’ve started taking her for a long evening walk after the babe goes to bed. It is special time between the two of us and a great way for me to end the day.  
7. Blog once a week.
With a few exceptions, I have definitely blogged once a week and sometimes more than once a week. Thanks to handy dandy wordpress, I was informed I just made my 50th post last week. Huzzah!
8. Take more quality photos.
Boo. With the exception of E’s monthly photos, I’ve totally sucked at this. I have a hard time balancing baby and camera, especially now that she is on the move. The iPhone is just too easy and I always have it in my back pocket. More effort needed!

Bachelorette Recap: The Men Tell All

I’m going to start this with a disclaimer. I hate Women/Men Tell All. They just recap what has happened so far on the season and everyone gets angry and yells over one another. That stuff is not appealing to me, hence why I do Bachelor(ette) recaps and not Real Housewives recaps. Chris comes out to make some sort of intro and then he introduces the guys. To note, Joshua’s hair has grown back nicely, Cupcake is wearing that ridic blazer again, Jared still looks like a rat and Ben H. is as hot as ever (and got the biggest applause). WHOA–Joe is wearing white pants rolled up with black loafers and no socks.

Plug for Bachelor in Paradise. Ashley S is looking as crazy as ever. Ashley I’s lashes are about to reach out through the screen and attack me and from the season preview all she does is Kim Kardashian ugly cry. But YES…Jillian’s black box butt is back!! Unless there is a request from the readers, I will not be recapping Bachelor in Paradise. Comment below my friends if this is something you’d like to see and I will dedicate TWO nights a week to your enjoyment.
Scenes from the season. Villians gotta vill. Gone vill! The clips of JJ and Clint were my absolute fave. When they were just touching noses talking, I almost fell over.
Also, they showed a clip where Ian used the phrase “sour apples”. Ian, you talk about how smart you are, but I’m pretty sure that is not a phrase. It’s either “sour grapes” or “rotten apples”, not “sour apples”. And he called people “lames”. That’s a Princeton education for you right there. Tanner rips him a new one and says that the way he went out “was disrespectful to us and disrespectful to Kaitlyn”. That Tanner is a nice young man. Corey tries to defend Ian. I do not even remember who he is, but he looks likes a creepy NYC investment banker, American Psycho style. Ben H. rushes to K’s defense because he is a darling angel sent from heaven. Ian then GETS UP FROM HIS SEAT, REMOVES HIS BLAZER, WALKS IN FRONT OF THE GROUP AND GETS DOWN ON HIS KNEES.  Someone asks, “Are you proposing right now?” My husband wonders if this guy ever wants a job again. This is maybe one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen and the most narcissistic apology of all time. Ian, no woman in America will ever date you.

bachelorette animated GIF

Clint kicks things off by saying “I’m a straight man and I went on the Bachelorette to meet Kaitlyn”. But let me remind you:

Everyone calls him arrogant and standoffish. JJ obvi comes to his defense and uses a lot of air quotes. Chris Harrison calls him out on it. I love me some Chris Harrison. JJ shares that he was “intellectually curious” about Clint and vice versa. It’s a little odd. While still explaining it, Kupah gets really angry and aggressive (lets all recall that he was the guy who was kicked off for being angry and aggressive) about Nick being brought on. A lot of the guys came to her defense, including Cupcake and JJ. Ladies, I am kind of liking JJ in this Men Tell All? Am I taking crazy pills?
JJ is first in the hot seat. His relationship with Clint is addressed, of course and he manages itself quite nicely. Corey is talking again. Corey, who ARE you? You are talking non-stop on this episode and you left like halfway through the season!

bachelorette animated GIF

Chris teases us all by saying, “We can all announce something about you…” and all of us get a little scared about him being the next Bachelor, but all they do is announce he is on Bachelor in Paradise. Well, duh, you already showed the preview with him on it. Idiots at abc.
Ben Z is next and he is a real fan favorite. A little to beefy for my taste, but he seems like a gentle giant. His main story line was his mom passing away. That’s sad, but I feel like that’s all I know about him. Also, not crying for 11 years is just not healthy. He should take a dose of post-pregnancy hormones and mom guilt. He’ll be crying on the reg.
Jared. Ugh. So cheesy. His Loveman alter-ego and his dumb rhymes. I hate that stuff. In college a boyfriend surprised me with a picnic by the water (complete with rose petals) followed by a carriage ride through the city and the whole time I was counting down the minutes until I could meet my friends at the bar. #worstgirlfriendever

Dude, Chris Harrison is KILLING IT tonight. He just told Jared he is really happy he got rid of “the spotty beard”. Chris, thank you for saying what we all were thinking.
Chris: “Ladies across American fell in love with the boyish charm of Ben H.” Yes. Me. Sold. The dimples. Chris: “It’s like walking by a construction site… in reverse” and then follows it up by saying that he doesn’t get it because ‘up close he’s not that good looking’. Don’t lie to me Chris. Ben says the hardest part is the lack of closure. He shares more about the night that Kaitlyn snuck into his and Ben’s hotel room to hang for a few hours. Poor Ben. Remember when K asked him if he was a virgin?

Kaitlyn comes out wearing an ice skating outfit. She has certainly been consistent in her wardrobe: sexy, sparkly and cut outs. She shares that she got death threats because of her season. DEATH THREATS. People of the world, lets be reminded that this is The Bachelorette. ABC then decides to share really horrifying tweets and e-mails that Kaitlyn received. Yikes. I maybe teared up a little bit seeing her reaction to these (see earlier comment regarding hormones and mom guilt). Yes, K loves to sex it up but…do you think Juan Pablo received the same threats? Definitely not. EEEES (not) OKAY.
Ben asks K why she told Shawn about sleeping with Nick, but not him or anyone else. Good question Ben! Basically she told Shawn because she liked him most. The end. Jonathan puts her on the hot seat and she responds by saying, “Didn’t you pick Britt?” ZING!!!!
Now it’s time for K to chat with the boys. That guy that was a hot mess the first episode redeemed himself slightly. She then says, “Clint, why didn’t you treat me the way you treated JJ?” JJ and Clint not amused. Ian gets on his knees again all the while saying he is humble. Sit down Ian.

We are then treated to a little blooper reel. It kicks off with Joe peeing in the woods shortly after he tells K that he wanted to kiss her for the next 60 years. Lots of clips of K being weird around birds. Amy Schumer calls JJ Colonel Sanders. I would have preferred to watch about 30 minutes of that as opposed to half of what I watched.
Overall thoughts. BORING. I wanted to hear from Joe. Tony didn’t say ONE WORD which was highly disappointing. Most importantly, why did they not announce that Ben H. is the next Bachelor? We all know it Chris Harrison. Don’t leave us hanging! Until next week my friends, I leave you with this

bachelorette animated GIF

This is a post about breastfeeding. Consider yourself warned.

Disclaimer: This post does not take sides in the great breast fed vs. formula fed debate. I am of the belief that we should nourish our babies anyway we can. These are just my thoughts on my own unique experience.
Earlier this week, I reached into the freezer and pulled out the last two lonely plastic bags sitting on the shelf. And then I started crying.
Breastfeeding did not come easy to me. My milk was late coming in (resulting in a trip to the Emergency Department at the Children’s Hospital with a floppy four day old) and Emma had a lip tie which manifested itself in a difficult latch. This all added up to cracked and bloody nipples, incredible frustration and lots of tears. I remember sitting in the glider cringing in pain wondering how I would ever do this for the next week, let alone the recommended year. Through my stubbornness and a fabulous lactation consultant, E and I figured it out and breastfeeding became one of my favorite aspects of motherhood. I savor the time for connection, looking into my baby’s big blue eyes as she stares at me and touches my face, the quiet moments where it was just the two of us. I continue to be amazed that my body has been able to nourish her, and the trust she has in me to keep her fed, healthy and safe.
Keeping this gal full has not been easy. My body does not respond well to pumping and my job does not provide for regular space and time to do so. I have struggled to send her off to daycare with enough breast milk each day and have altered my schedule at times to allow for an additional feeding at home. I have pumped in the car, standing up in the bathroom stall at a hotel during a conference, back to back with a co-worker (or two) in a shared office space and, at my lowest point, on the floor of a hotel room, dress pulled down to my waist, in front of my 22 year old male intern during my company’s annual gala. We had a hard time making eye contact after that. Despite all this, lots of water, daily oatmeal and mugs and mugs of Mother’s Milk tea, I have not produced enough for my munchkin and it is breaking my heart.
So, this weekend, I will feed my 10 month old baby girl formula for the first time so we can start supplementing at daycare next week. I will try not to cry as I watch her gulp it down, able to drink until she is full. And I will savor even more those moments before bed, or in the middle of the night, when it is just the two of us all alone in this world. Because I know those times are fleeting.


Bachelorette Recap: Meeting the FAAHMILIES

Another Monday Bachelorette night, another tornado watch in the midwest. I’m not kidding. I can’t handle it. Anyone looking for roommates? Family of three, plus maniac dog who sheds like dickens. I will cook if you will clean.
Shawn and Nick. This is annoying so I don’t listen. Shawn basically repeats that he doesn’t think Nick is here for the right reasons. Blah, blah, blah. Nick calls him out on the eskimo brothers thing and Shawn gets flustered. Yeesh.

Overnight with Ben. These two kick it off horseback riding, meet a passel of donkeys and picnic in front of a castle. This is like my dream date. I’m not kidding. I squealed and clapped when they saw the donkeys. I love donkeys.

"these guys sure are cute, huh" (Photo: ABC)

Ben wears an adorable navy Irish sweater that I will be sourcing for my husband immediately. He is so NORMAL. But, as they are picnicking and he is sharing with K that she wants to make memories with her, it is clear she is NOT. INTO. IT. She wants to be. But she’s not. They are spending the night in the castle. He shows up wearing another adorable Irish sweater. K greets him from the top of the castle and he tells her to let down her hair. Adorbs. Darling toast as they have drinks. She says, “I think it will be a happy life with you.” Duh. Ben shares that he just turned 26 in the past few weeks. Yipes. He is young but… You guys, I would be TOTALLY fine dating this 26 year old. I wouldn’t even care that I have wrinkles and gray hair and saggy boobs because I think he would just make me feel so loved and beautiful. Is that creepy?

"....but THIS is my fancy dinner sweater!" (Photo: ABC)

She gives him the fantasy suite key because she would be a total idiot not to. Look at that adorable smile! He acknowledges that he’s uncomfortable that other guys are involved, but he is confident in her and them. I totally melted. So did K. He called it the best sleepover ever. I can’t. I just cannot. Also, let’s note that there are FULL PLATES of food sitting on the table as they walk upstairs. She said she thinks she’ll wake up in the morning thinking he’s the one. Because of course she has to sleep with him before she figures this out.
My husband just interjected that he thinks Ben is boring and not funny. I’m strongly defending him, but then I see Ben leaving the castle wearing sweatpant capris? Yikes. K says that they slept for 30 minutes. I think we know what that means.

Shawn and K’s overnight date. They are going golfing. K buys him a ludicrous outfit that he actually pulls off. Omg, you guys, I was reading another blog and she said that Shawn looks like Alf.

I’m not sure how someone can both look like Alf and Ryan Gosling but it is DEAD. ON. Anyway, we learn that Shawn is a terrible golfer. She says, “It was nice to just have fun with him.” It’s been like 6 weeks girl, it should all be fun at this point. These two knuckleheads play Truth or Dare and she dares him to streak “nakie”. He removes his pants and he’s basically wearing leggings?
There Was Naked Golfing Last Night On "The Bachelorette"
But…his bod is legit. K, that prankster, steals his clothes and runs across the golf course and that poor man has to chase her.

There Was Naked Golfing Last Night On "The Bachelorette"

Serious conversation time. She asks Shawn about her hatred for Nick. I kind of spaced out as I’m so over this story line. STOP TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER GUY AND FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP! Ben is the only guy that has it right. K gets Shawn all fired up, and then hands him the Fantasy Suite card. I mean that doesn’t really make sense but whatever. It’s the next morning, Shawn leaves with a terse “See you soon” as K stands at the door. No casual breakfast, no morning kisses at the window like with the other two. Shawn is greeted upon his return by Nick. Ugh. What is going to happen here? Shawn is very upset that Nick was sharing the eskimo brothers story. They yell over one another for a few minutes and then he tells Shawn to leave. Whatever.
Interview with Chris Harrison. Kaitlyn thinks Nick “has it all”, but then mentions she has concerns when thinking about a marriage. K does acknowledge that these two idiots are acting like they are in high school and wasting precious time. She has lovely things to say about Ben and says “I think Ben would make a great husband”. Not said, but implied… “For someone else”.  He is the ‘good on paper’ guy. We’ve all had one. We try to make it work but the spark just isn’t there. I fear it ain’t looking good for Ben.
Rose ceremony: K comes in rocking an orange gown that requires a lot of boob tape. I cannot even imagine what that would look like on my post-baby nursing knockers. I can’t even wear a button down these days. Tim comment: “I don’t like dresses like that. I think it reveals too much.” Well thank God Tim because I could never in my life wear that thing.
K leaves the ceremony to gather herself and is consoled by Chris Harrison who really has the easiest job in the whole word. First rose goes to Nick. Second rose goes to Shawn. I think you all knows what this means my sweet readers…Ben H is hitting the road (and clearly will be the next Bachelor because obviously). Do you think she slept with him? I hope not. Poor Ben H. He is a class act as he hops in his minivan and tells her he will miss her. He isn’t bitter about the experience as it taught him to open up and have feelings for someone again. I wish it was me Ben H. I wish it was me.

I LOVE U SO MUCH BEN H.!!!!!!!!!!!! (Photo: ABC)

Shawn is thrilled about the rose but is then basically: 
Nick and Shawn stand in silence and gulp champagne. It’s so so so weird, especially as there are bizarre lanterns set up on the floor.

Fascinating. (Photo: ABC)

It’s time for K to meet with FAHHmilies. In a strange twist, all the FAHHmilies are meeting in Deer Park, Utah? She’s not going to their  homes. Nick talks to K about how confident he feels and tells her how in love with her he is. She eats it right up. Tim and I are very concerned about what they are drinking. Tea? Toddies? Do we HAVE to listen to them kissing on full volume? Couldn’t they mute it a bit? My friend Erica calls these “num num noises”. Also heard when eating fettuccine alfredo.
Kaitlyn is going to meet Nick’s FAHHmily first. They look like a ton of fun (sarcasm font). There are like 700 kids in the FAHHmily. His mom is crying thinking of him going through “another heartbreak”. Then his 10 year sister also starts crying? WTF is wrong with this FAHHmily?
[quiet weeping noises] (Photo: ABC)
One of the brothers looks like The Proclaimers.

K has her usual sidekick (chardonnay) by her side when she speaks with his sister. I scrolled through instagram during this because I don’t really care. His little sister Bella looks like a tiny Nick with long hair. It is creepy. Her first question was: Do you like Vancouver? and she followed that up with “Do you love Nick?” #scripted
Nick’s mom is wearing a lot of competing jewelry.


Also how many kids does she have? 10? 12? And let’s be serious, was he really crushed when Andi broke up with him? He talks to his mom about the relationship and it’s probably more than my husband has ever spoken to his mom about me throughout our five year marriage. I tuned in until he said, “She’s great at making out”. EEEEEK! Why would you say that to your mom? Hey mom, by make out I mean sex. Then he starts crying. But…we get a FABULOUS view of his wooden bead arm party.

These two lovebirds go back to the hotel to make out. He says “I love you”. She replies with “Promise?” and then shares via interview that this is a guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Seems solid right? Scene ends Nick saying “We should make babies someday.” Gross.
Shaw’s FAHHmily. Before they meet, Shawn gives her a little more scoop on his FAHHmily and thinks that his big sisters will be tough. K shares that “sisters are her jam” as she has six step sisters and one full sister. WHO HAS ALL THESE KIDS? Shawn’s mom isn’t able to make it, which is fishy. He must have gotten that schnoz from her because good ol’ Dad (Steve) has a normal size honker. K seems to have a good rapport with his older sisters and they gave him the stamp of approval. Now Steve on the other hand kicks it off with “What the hell is going on? This is nuts!”
But he comes around.
Post meeting with the FAAHMILY, Shawn shares that he is in love with her and he has been for a while. She answers with a big smooch. I cannot even imagine meetings families and kissing two guys back to back. Blech. He is disappointed that she didn’t respond likewise but does believe she is in love with him. K is crying. Red eyes and duck lips. She “cannot imagine saying goodbye” to one of these two dudes. We’ve heard that before K. It’s part of the deal. What I got out of this whole second hour is that I want to go to Utah.
Next week: Men Tell ALL! I cannot wait to see the sparks fly between Clint & JJ! #lovewins