The Women Tell All

I know I haven’t written a Bachelor recap in over a month, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been plopping my ass on the couch for two hours every Monday night. Almost too much has happened for me to even reference, so I’ll just stick with last night’s (pretty boring) Women Tell All.
First of all, Carly got pretty blonde, eh? And yet…the brows are still commas. WHY?!
Brit is a hot mess. Girlfriend cannot stop crying. Get your shit together. Also, what is she wearing?
It looks like Salma Hayek’s Cesar’s waitress outfit in Fools Rush In…which I can’t find a photo of. What is the point of the internet if I can’t google image that?
Oh, Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey. “Isn’t my story amazing? It’s tragic. But amazing.” That woman is a wack job. There is no way you were really in love with Sanderson if you are willing to go on a reality show to meet a man less than two years after his death. I kind of love that some of the girls doubted that he even existed. Hilarious. Tim commented that she talks like a self help book, which is so on point! Can you imagine if she was the guidance counselor at your kids’ school? I would pull my child immediately.
 (David Moir/ABC)
Ashley S, you crazy bitch. I love you. She was by far the highlight of this season. I’m happy to know Chris Harrison agrees. And apparently now I’ll be watching Bachelor in Paradise to continue to watch her antics. P.S. Loved her dress! 
The Wild Mustang-I cringed YET AGAIN watching Jade show Chris the video of her “nude modeling”. Seriously, the last thing on earth I’d want to do is show someone a video of me naked, especially a boyfriend/potential husband. I loved Jade in the beginning, but she lost me after her giggling while showing the pics/video to Chris and learning about her “wild” personality. I just can’t get a read on her. I do think, however, that she would have been the best fit for Arlington, Iowa based on her background (minus the porn).
I’m sticking with my initial thought that Kaitlin will be the next bachelorette.  I definitely thought (hoped?) Chris would pick her over Whitney, who has the most annoying voice, oh my Lord! She’s nice and all, but a real snoozefest.
My favorite part of the whole night were the outtakes, especially Chris’ dolphin laugh.

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