Five on Friday

Girls (I’m assuming no guys are reading? If you are-show yourselves!), I promise a Bachelor recap is coming. So much happened, I really want to give it the time and attention it deserves! But for now…a few thoughts to finish off the week.
1. I have been dairy free for over ten days and have not lost one pound. How is this possible, you might ask? I have no idea, except maybe I’ve upped my bread intake to compensate for cheese being removed from my life? No matter what, I’m pissed. I legit thought I would be like 5 lbs lighter during this morning’s weigh in. Maybe I’m housing too many dairy free treats. Turns out Oreos are dairy free so I’m snacking on those like it is my job.
2. If you’re eating dairy free or not, you MUST run out immediately and purchase Sharon’s Sorbet in coconut. Oh my word, it is a true delight!  Half a cup is 140 calories and 4 grams of fat. I love that there are only six ingredients, all of which I know, except guar? I found it in Mariano’s. Get you some immediately. It is like a tropical vacation in a cardboard pint.

3. Operation not look like a hot mess is in effect. I got my  lashes done last weekend. I took really sketchy before and after selfies for you, but my eyelash lady (official term) also did and she used a gorgeous filter on my skin so you can’t see my wrinkles and zits so I’m using the image she sent me. Side note: Why do I have both wrinkles and zits? I’m 34–lets just go with the wrinkles, ok skin? Local ladies, I got these bad boys done at Stella’s Haven in West Town. The place was super cute, parking right in front, and Rebecca was great. I’ll provide an update in a few weeks to see how long these last. I got A Step Above, which are originally $155 (I purchased for $75 on Gilt City), but still way less expensive than other salons in the city. Look how glamorous I am! I clearly have not worn make-up all week because I feel like this is enough. My husband has not noticed that I’ve had anything done, obviously.
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4. Next up: Vagina Steam. Everyone is doing it, AKA Gywneth.
You can read a little blurb on US Weekly. Is this a joke? I mean, I do not understand this. I don’t even have time to wash my face and this chick is getting a facial for her vaa-jean. Get a job Gwynnie. Or at least give me some of the cash you use on this insane stuff so I can keep up with my eyelashes!
5. My little nugget is getting baptized this weekend! Our entire family is in town for the celebration and I can’t wait to see Em in her ridiculous christening gown. Seriously it’s like 4 feet long. The things I do to this kid….

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Have a good weekend buddies!

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