Hot Mess Express (And I don’t mean The Bachelor)

You guys, since going back to work I look like a total nightmare. Honestly I have never been one of those girls that was really put together, but I generally wore a cute outfit, applied minimal make-up and at least blow-dried my bangs (because who has time for a full head of hair). Now, I look like this:
I sent this to my husband and he told me, "It's a bad angle". God bless him.
I sent this to my husband and he told me, “It’s a bad angle”. God bless him.
Yikes. The morning this photo was taken my make-up routine consisted of using a spitty q-tip to wipe the prior day’s mascara out from under my eyes (you do that too right?).  Also, I had not brushed my teeth. I have forgotten to do that at least three times since my maternity leave ended one month ago. The most disturbing thing is that I wasn’t even that bothered by it? Sorry colleagues!
I work in an industry that requires professional dress. Men typically wear suits and women are in heels and blazers. Considering I’ve been wearing black jeans on the regular as those are the only pants I fit into, I figure I need to step it up in other ways.
So, I made an appointment to get my hair cut. Of course my stylist was sick and I can’t reschedule for another week. I’ve gotten no-chip manicures, which make me feel and look good for 2+ weeks but then I don’t really have time to get them removed and I walk around looking this:
Alien hands.
Alien hands.
Real professional. I think I’m giving up on no-chips since in the end I look worse than I did before. Finally, I’ve decided to bite the very expensive bullet and get eyelash extensions. Guys, I know this sounds ridiculous. I really do. But I have a girlfriend who gets them done regularly and they look amazing! Lots of places offer a first timer discount so I got them done before I delivered Emma. My vain side wanted to look good in my post-delivery and first few day photos and Lord knows, I would not have the time or energy to put on make-up. Getting these guys on while 10 months pregnant was not ideal, but I felt so pretty!
Baby E's first full day. Look at my glorious lashes!
Baby E’s first full day. Look at my glorious lashes!
I took good care of them and they lasted about 6 weeks or so, and I really do think that is worth it. I made an appointment at a new place the week after next, because I’m super cheap and bought it on Gilt City. In all likelihood I will take advantage of all first time customer discounts at every single place in Chicago before I pay full price. I’ll take before and after photos to share and hopefully will no longer look like a total mess each and every day.
Spill. What is your beauty splurge- the one thing that makes you feel good about yourself that you’re willing to spend stupid money to get it?

11 thoughts on “Hot Mess Express (And I don’t mean The Bachelor)

  1. Funny you should ask…
    I am reading your blog while sitting at red light. I’m returning to my home office from a midday spray tan session.
    The hard cost for a spray tan is relatively low… But the soft costs are steep: No showers or workouts for 6 hours, lingering chemical smell mixed with body odor, oranged stained clothing.
    Looking tan in January = priceless


    1. I love a good spray tan, especially because it makes me feel skinny for some reason. Unfortunately you can’t get away with a regular tan in Chicago in the winter–everyone would know you’re faking it!


  2. I love you and this post. My first big meeting back to work I had on zero make up dirty hair and big black jeans! I had another today and I looked a lot more normal… But still in jeans because what else fits? Nothing. This weight loss thing is really driving me crazy… But I still ate ice cream last night. FML. I would love love love to have eyelash Extensions but I know this country ass place around here has never even heard of them. Or I would look like Nicki Minaj if I got them.


    1. Dude, I cannot stop eating. I was going to do a whole post on the crap I ate last week but i was too embarassed. Milkshakes, pizza, I even got McDonald’s for lunch one day! It was insane. I’m hoping everyone is so distracted by my lashes that they won’t notice I’m a great big fat person.


  3. I’ve been all about manicures with weekly wear polish. It’s similar to no chip without the hassle of the special drying and additional trip back for removal. My nails look great and chip free for more than a week. It’s a $5 up charge, but totally worth it!


  4. This post made me laugh, love your honesty and humor! And sweet of your husband to realize that’s not how you really look. I’ve never tried eyelash extensions but I’m going to check it out. Your eyelashes do look fantastic! If I wash and blow dry my hair and don’t put it up in a pony then it’s a good day for me!


  5. Post baby and upon returning to work, I told myself I had to cut ONE thing out of my beauty routine and just deal with it. The minutes are too precious when you’re scrambling around in the morning getting ready for work AND getting a little one ready for the day. I chose to eliminate my eyebrow pencil. Don’t know why I picked that, but I guess I thought it was a step that wouldn’t make much difference anyway. Eliminating that has resulted in often forgetting to tweeze the stray eyebrows. I now look like I live in the bush… but I tell myself I look ‘French as natural’ to make myself feel better… le sigh.


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